I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. But after our second kid it just dried up to not much. Divorce is not an option, But when the second son moves out to college there is an option I take his bedroom AND there is an option I go on an extended car road trip for a few months. She is against the idea of therapy. Im in ok shape, not overweight . An underlying, undetectedmental health issue can affect sex drive. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. Genuinely compliment your wife and make her feel sexy again. But we didnt know what we had. We are just roommates. Just be sensitive to what she's going through: If she's dealing with a significant illness or painful condition, for example, it may not be appropriate to push for more sex at this time. You have (understandable) guilt and shame about sex, undoubtedly influenced by your current predicament and the old trauma of feeling rejected during your first long-term partnership. I have the sex drive I had when I was 20, and I feel like me again. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. Harley Dear, PS Bishislife, Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. And its been going that way for years. As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. I tried internet sex and while interesting it is not enough. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. I had four children from a previous marriage, I had a tubal ligation reversal so we could have a child of our own, By serious good luck, we had one. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. Seems like you do not really love your husband any more. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. Or does it not matter what the man wants? This so frustrating at times. I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. You have to find a life without him. Just get out Stan. My wife and I are celebrating 48 years together in January. I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! Very few people in my club and I sincerely hope not many more people join, Mike G, Maybe she rejects your sexual advances whenever you make them, and it's been a long while since you've had sex with each other. This is the best I have read. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. Couples counseling can help the two of you get back on track in your marriage and the bedroom. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us. * PLATFORM OR CMS. I love her more than anything in this world. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. When we first met, we had sex 2X a day morning and night. Life is so wonderful! I thought during the first couple of years of our marriage that I was imagining this but I now realize I wasnt (since he recently stated how we werent trying to procreate any longer, so why bother with sex.). This whole situation sucks for all of us. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. She likely doesn't want you to touch her bc whenever you do it leads to an implied intimacy interaction she doesn't want. Our marriage was sexless because I couldnt perform so we started seeing various kinds of Therapists but after 5 years we had no luck. Dear Joan, But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! . In my is own skin. We use a great lubricant called Astroglide, to help things along, good stuff. Sometimes I wish he would go. Leah 09. For men the cost is being far more productive than hed need to be if caring only for himself and to forsake all other partners in pairing with his wife exclusively. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . 2. What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. Having sex will actually help you physically and can add years to your life. Add to that some other longstanding unresolved low sex drive and relationship problems caused by their mate (me) in the past, and strict un_affectionate anti_sex parents in her upbringing. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. We went to a number of therapists but none were able to help. But the giving up on relationship and each other is what happens. There are many causes, physical and emotional, why your wife wont have sex with you anymore. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? This will make intimacy a million times more enjoyable for both partners. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. Im in my 50s and after years without feeling that hardness inside me anymore, I often find myself thinking about the next 30 years without. To me, hes practicing classic avoidance and he simply closes up emotionally. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. /** If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. I think my wife [67] realises that with my having ED she no longer has any potential competition so isnt obliged to have sex because I wont be strayingand I dont want her to feel obliged,thats as bad as no sex,so the answer, literally, is in my own hands, my husband has done too many drugs and cant get it up its been six years i need sex. I guarantee most who do this will start feeling like a sex machine. Feeling like my wife never initiates intimacy is incredibly frustrating. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. Does your wife struggle with self-love? She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. But she is just not sexually attracted to me. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. Good luck. Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. In the real world things are very different. A sexologist is not going to be able to overcome a lack or imbalance of hormones. and I feel I have been cheated. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. He has with held sex before, once or twice when he was mad at me a couple of times in the past 18 year, that was my punishment. 3. God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? All I can say that my sexual desire was immediately and irreversibly shut off like a light switch. If you search my wife wont touch me sexually, it may be time to stop thinking about sex and start thinking about dating. Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. I do not wish this upon anyone!!! Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Hello Hawkeye Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. Wooing is a life-long endeavor. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? Additionally, she should see an endocrinologist who can check her thyroid. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. With my wife it was menopause. Two years and counting, its got me climbing the walls! Only you can decide if this is right for you. That feeling lasts for several days afterwards. Meanwhile. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. BIG mistake. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. You are the problem/ Can you blame her? (function() { // REQUIRED CONFIGURATION VARIABLE: EDIT THE SHORTNAME BELOW She is a poor communicator and no matter how much I ask she gives me the silent treatment and thinks its OK. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. Problem or seek medical help. You know what I dont need to know the answer. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. When I was single I would simply break off a relationship when the sexual problems would start. Emotional intimacy is a big factor in a happy marriage and a satisfying sex life. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. /* For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. I own real estate property with my sister which provides some income. And I cook, shop for food, take care of dogs and have. See the New York Times story, Does a More Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex?. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. That had bee. We have been married 41 years. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. I am NEVER ENOUGH so why even bother? But this woman kept me in her heart and mind for fifty years. We have done counseling and it always comes back to my issues which I work on but have never seen any change from her. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. Most importantly, talk to her about it! What Im getting from these posts is that woman dont even want to try alternative ways to fulfill their husbands. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! He was gone on the road 80% of the time. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. Whats more, you are not doomed to be in a sexless marriage! There is no excuse for boxing your partner in such a guilt ridden morally compromising prison. This isnt one of those seasons things, she believing a lie from the devil to her, to destroy your marriage. Really, I may as well just be rooming with a friend at this point in the game. lol. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. Life is tough, and tougher knowing you are not going to get laid. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? I promised her I wouldnt embarrass her or shame her in front of family, friends, or church with an affair. Married 36 years, neither of us had sex with anyone including each other until our wedding night: It was tough, but my choice. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. I understand the frustration, I have tried talking with my wife and have even said, if the problem was with me, I would be in a doctors office tomorrow! When we go out, all I see are happy couples who show affection and love. I love her. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Thanks for listening. Have sexual experiences together that don't revolve around intercourse. the women stop trying once you give them what they want. I dont mean to downgrade the pain someone feels with this, but there are levels to everything. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. My husband has no sex drive at all. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Hello David, I have (age 60+) gone right off sex. So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? Initially, it probably was mostly about the sex. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. She had here ovaries removed due to cancer risk, after sex was painful and pussy all dried up, tried lubes and no luck and still painful when my rock hard penis went in her sweet pussy. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. I want that back in my life as well! Seems to me that sex is more important to most guys than it is for a woman. He spent 100.00 on his mother as he forgot to get her a card why cant he forgive me ? And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A.

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