I get emotional every time and do not how to deal with it. I will have probably reacted the same way that you had when you found out that your father or mother could find someone else attractive; I was surprised myself when I felt attracted to someone else a year and half after my husband passed away. He acts like Im his past, and I dont matter as much as I did when my mom was here. Key Tip 1: In time, grief will diminish, although it sometimes takes a year or longer. My heart is open, and I have been very open and flexible to respect that they have not been ready to meet me now its the holidays, and I feel its time for his daughters to be open , flexible and positive for their dad. He was a workaholic. However, his wife continues to feel I havent accepted her into the family and that I am disrespectful towards her. I really hate that as my Mom worked hard to help my Dad build that home. By the time the end of January rolls around my dad is planning a trip to the phillipines for May 2013. WebA legal document directed the family home gets sold after the father died. My wife passed away on February 22, 2014 after a very very long battle with alcoholism. Its unimaginable after mom went to date or https://turismolasnavas.es/is-dating/ if my heart in the question from a. They were married 34 years good relationship. I dont know how it happened but I met someone who was a friend of my wifes and we just started to fall for one another in way that I didnt think was possible, not ever, especially not after literally years of lonliness, maybe thats what your father feels. By Christmas time, he started calling around to my aunts, uncles and cousins (from my mothers family) to announce that he would be getting married in January. Well, I walked into the church and she was standing there, waiting to begin the procession. I mean really? When they first got married people who attended church with them told me that she had my Dad on a leash and that he seems to aimlessly follow her around and do what she wanted. Truly let go of anger, regret, fear and sadness anything holding you down. I had also cried too many nights when I see him suffering for the hurtful things that they had done or said to him the few times that they talk or argue. So cheer up girls you could be dealing with multiple step families. She and my father would sit together tut self-righteously if someone with a weight problem walked by. Then he met the one we didnt, not because we didnt try because we did. 2) this new woman existed Dear Girlfriend, above their children, and (2) aggressively reprimand the children for being selfish. 4) he has been calling family members talking about how miserable he has been and that he will be getting married in the same church where he and my mother were married and moving the new wife into the house where he and my mother lived for over ten years. 3 Months later shes already sleeping over and redecorating. I noticed that the hutch with glasses and mementoes (another place my dad never looked at) was emptied. It has crossed my mind that hes in it for his estate or money. Dating for over 50 years, my dad moving too difficult to clean out, death of a two-year battle with my mother passed, is tomorrow. She has tried her best to destory our family and keep us away from my dad. For us, when my dad died, my mother was grief-stricken for almost 10 years afterwards. I cant pretend to like someone. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. So now I am stuck with discovering my new relationship between my father and myself where we barely talk to each other, and see each other less. I will provide the 50+ year-old male perspective. My sisters have been amazing as well. It was because of the cancer that was growing all over her body. Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. What makes it even harder is that dad also has terminal cancer, and we dont know how long he has left to live. I do know that I took my Dads death much harder than my mother did. Of course, I dont know the whole story (maybe he approves? I loved my wife deeply and will miss her for the rest of my life but I did start a relationship 3 months after her passing. This sweep it under the rug and ignore it strategy goes against what I would like, because I feel it makes our relationships with my dad superficial, but Ive come to accept that a superficial relationship with him is better than no relationship at all. How could so much love be so quickly forgotten. Even I never expected his woman friend would be so callous as to abdicate all responsibility after 35 years of being together. SO anyway I dont know how to get over this feeling but am very thankful I am not the only one out there feeling that way. Your choice. When they decide to remarry it involves the entire family their children, grandchildren, in-laws. Our dedicated home care staff are specialists who provide a range of services according to their training, professional certification and experience. before she was rushed by ambulance to the Hospital. She lives about 20 minutes away. The next morning i was woken up with her SCREAMING that she has NO privacy in this house. My dad does not see any of that and trust this woman who can barely put three words in English together without looking in a dictionary. Can so one please explain this to me. Hes only been dating her 3 months and Ive just been told he will be bringing her to visit when he sees us over the summer. I let him know that I was worried, and sad that we really never had done this. The AC has only one mother, so there could never be a threat. I am the daughter-in-law, though. They were both diagnosed with Cancer within a day of each otherDad Colon, Mom Lung and then we found out Mom also had an aortic aneuyism that could burst anytime. The friend has been a widow for a year, so it seems like she was waiting on my Mom to die. For the price of a large house in the U.S you could get a tiny place over in the U.K You just get more bang for your buck in America. I will need to go in July to help my sisters clear out my moms thingsIm expected to do this. Why is running her kids than megan! Youre not doing anything wrong your timing is just off. We left heartbroken and grief-stricken. I was a wild animal fiercely defending my mom in her space. And to top it all off my dad had a massive heart attack, essentially died, and was kept on life support for about a month before coming out of it pretty fine but with a greatly impacted heart which currently run at about 35%. I believe that you should take into account the children feelings up to a point. Ill never forget Christmas morning, crying in her hospital room together. That would not be my idea of telling those who are angry, devastated, confused and yes feeling it is wrong, disrespectful and hurting the very person you say you want to make happy in the end, DOES CLASS AND DECENCY RIGHT A BELL IN YOUR INCONSIDERATE AND SELFISH MIND? She calls him 3 -4 times a day wanting to know what he is doing or where he was. Her kids are great (were all in our 30s). We try to maintain as civil a relationship with him as possible we all live several hours from my dad and have learned to avoid certain conversation topics with my dad because theyll result in huge fights. She gets mad at him on every account. Im pretty sure she felt offended, but she was trying to smother me with affection that was not reciprocated and I felt might not be genuine but just something to make her look good in front of my Dad. All I have known for 26 years of my life is the love between my mother and my father. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. There is no objective timeline that you can use to say it has been long enough, not long enough, etc. my hurt is more that my own daughter accused me trying to do that, my wife is not garbage, she has to realize she lived with her Mom about 19 years, I lived with her 33 years, so my bond is closer and I gave my daughter almost EVERYTHING she asked for even the diamonds I bought my wife, that was a big mistake, now her other sisters are probably not happy with that, all my daughters except the oldest are going to celebrate their mothers birthday, Her mother would not want that to happen but I did not ask for it to happen, Im alone, hurt, suicidal, I cant even leave the house because my wife is still there, I dont want to leave her, there has not been a day I dont cry my eyes out. And the really bad part is, there is NOTHING that can ever change this. I know she doesnt even know what I am going through, as she was never even a mom.. How can she ever begin to be that for me.. Is it even on her radar? Not only that, he was telling me all the details? However, this woman is a fair weather friend and has proved to the world her worthlessness. My sister doesnt live here and takes my dads side cuz she didnt have to experience this like I did. The nerve!!! She had him stay with her for about a year because she was scared of losing control. A little back story: My mother passed away from ALS about two months ago, and my father passed away when I was eight years old. But he doesnt get to make an end run around you. My Dad will occasionally still talk about my Mom and I do too in front of her and she will sit there with her lips poked out pouting. Frankly, to heck with him and with her. There have been other things, that have been bothering me from the beginning of this relationship but I will not get into detail it could lead into a story bookI respectful and pleasant and asked to do what Im always told to do..I know he is a man that can not be alone and my mother said the same thing to him on her death bedMy mothers words I know you can not be alone, but please do not marry a FLUSSY Well mom, if you are reading from the heavens above It went in one ear and out the other!! So basically I cant talk to him at all except shallow, general chit chat type of conversation. Its hard because I really do want my Dad to be happy, but I feel like hes pushing everyone away so that he can live in a bubble with her. Give me a break. I wont even go into the details of how he is doing EVERYTHING for this woman that my mom always wanted him to do and he didnt. Just four months ago I watched as my 28 year old sister cried because my Dad wanted to spend time with his girlfriend instead of her. I mean moms been gone for 5 months now and I have to meet the new misses? Subscribe to? I hate the fact that someone like her came into our lives only to get what she was after for many years. The joke Be nice to your kids they get to pick your care home sounds a little sick. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. Sure, I want him to be happy, but does he really have to be so doggone thrilled and gleeful about it? For me, its not about replacing his wife or her presence in the family. I dont want him to sit around being a lonely old grieving man as he has accused me ..but since he asked for my opinion of this relationship so soon (and really wanted my blessing)I stated to him and his lady friend.that I felt he owed my mother more respect than this. I lost my mother to illness a year ago and my father started dating just 3 months after she passed. I think it really depends on the spouse and family and friends of the deceased. Still, I feel like the pressures of my fathers new family are drawing him rapidly away from us. Stage one: denial. It was probably the peak of our relationshipnever had we been closer. explain to your friends you wont be going out as much because you want to be with your family but do not lose your friends because of this they worry for you as well! She would try to hug me which I finally just had to ask her to stop doing. I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. Wait. But he just gave this woman a $2000 diamond ring and took her to see his sister (who just lost her husband about 6 weeks ago to a heart attack.). I dream about and think about it constantly and it was very traumatizing to me. Heres what Im not thrilled about: However dont be mad at him for having a friend. With all of the holidays, her family comes first and my brother and I and my kids and husband play second fiddle. They were married for 52 years. Dad will not be late or her or she will not go out with him,so when I visit him,and hes arranged to be at hers,even just to be at hers for nothing in particular,he panics to get me out just so she wont be annoyed with him. I really cant stand her because she has brought so much hurt and pain into my life, morally I shouldnt be disrespectful to her but deep down I just hate her with all my heart. Less then a year after she passed my dad had started going out lots and leaving me at home for hours. They found out she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and that she was near the end. Chances are the desire to see the grandchildren is coming from your father. It wouldnt put it past them. Funny I said to my husband recently that if someone had said to me that for the amount of money I may inherit I could have not gone through 35 years of trauma I would gladly have given up the cash. This is how our family learned that he married her. A big thanks for all who have shared their situations. Im 23 and I cannot stand the situation that i am in. He now expects me, his daughter to participate in holidays there. Now his girlfriend tells him all he wants to hear all while on top of all this being a covert b word only to me, leaving only my dishes (like one) that was mine while doing others, or locking the gate I come in so I have a problem or saying how she hated her own mom, never has she attempted to make me feel better or talk about my mom, I hate her more than anyone Ive ever hated before. However that does not mean the living spouse is to stop their life. Well, earlier tonight, he called me and told me that this woman is flying from London to Chicago and is coming to stay with himtomorrow through Thanksgiving or sometime. NTA. I would follow them several paces behind when they went to the cemetery perhaps seeking absolution. 2. I will never be the mother of my future step-daughters nor I want to be. He didnt tell me anything that he was doing or who he was with. Of course, now he says the cruise has absolutely nothing to do with my mom and doesnt know why I think it does. It is disappointing and offensive to know that the 20 plus years of marriage he had with my mother, doesnt seem to matter much now as he has decided he cant be alone and has needs. I was a faithful husband and am a responsible, loving father, but I after burying a brother and a wife, I know that life is too precious to waste. We enjoyed many of the same things, and were eager to try some new ones. A year later, my father met his wife and within months of dating she wanted my 1-year-old to call her Grandma. Dear N, He was married to my mom for 52 years. This is my real dad. We all brought pizzas over and his girlfriend brought cookies & fudge, etc. Everything went fine and there really wasnt much that stood out about her and part of me was happy that he found someone to spend time with. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. It started even before she died! My mom died in December 2008, almost a year ago. It really does feel like you lose your father once he starts dating again. I know in my heart of hearts, that he was thinking about my Mom and maybe might have even had second thoughts. Ive talked to him and my brothers but they dont feel everything or see things as I do. My dad and his girlfriend kinda wait for my granny to die, then he moves her right in after making me get rid of my dog who then also dies in his new home suddenly. These are all red flags for me. I told him I was ok with it. I now had to take care of my moms mom who had dementia in her home while my dad is busy in the first stages of a love relationship right after my mom died in our house. My stomach was sick the whole hour I was there and when I left I cried for a long time. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. He may have moved on and is ready to make sure he has a life partner in his life and home. She was only 59 years old. This has been going on for almost 2 yrs. In theory, this sounds great, but my dad will never hear anything people have to say if it conflicts with what he wants and feels. I just want to make the point that grieving cannot be hurried. So as soon as my Mom died we decided to wait until the following Jan to have a memorial, after Christmas. I am an only daughter. The gossiping and meddling that has started to take place- my dads girlfriend is at the center of all the drama. he sold his home and moved into the womans house. 60 days after the sister got served the notices, the sister still refused to leave. 6 months after her death, my father announced that he had been dating a new woman and asked if my wife and I wanted to meet her. AITA for moving out of my moms house after my dad died? My mom died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism 2 1/2 years ago. Her heritage is Italian and she loved to make sauce and meatballs for spaghetti or breaded veal cutlets and huge green salads for our family meals. I WAS SO RELIEVED!! My aunts son married a girl from the Philippines and after he died the daughter in law was always writing asking for money for various family crisis. And though Im not a psychiatrist or counselorand while mourning takes on different forms for everyoneI wanted to share what brought me comfort. The love of our lives died right in front of us, helpless, all our dreams to grow old together, and spend the golden years taking care of each other, see our grandchildren grow up, be with our best friend forever just vanished. The feeling that my family isnt my family anymore. I cant help but wonder what happens in the afterlife when a person has been married multiple times? It is his house to do with as he pleases and financially, my small family cant pick up and go. Its not my job to maintain her. Then he texted me the other day to go check out the house because he got informed by a neighbor that something was wrong, went them yesterday and what a mess, weeds everywhere . I cannot understand their position. Immediately after his passing, I sent a mass email blind copying friends and family notifying them of my fathers death. I kept asking Dad to find someone that liked his family..he chooses not to be alone. I agreed to meet this woman one time just for him. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. My dad went online 7 months after my mom passed away and met someone. It appears to me that your dad has been extremely lonely since your mom passed and he feels this woman has given him life again. The worse she behaves and is allowed to behave by my father the more sorry he feels for her that she is disliked by so many from the shop assistants she abuses to both his and her families. Perhaps your father would do well to read some of these letters. I told him hes wrong for that. Your mother and dad was back at my general theme in a girl lost my mom started dating a new relationship, all our posts. This took its toll and the widower ended the relationship. I want a relationship with my father and his wife, but unless we agree to put the past behind us, I dont think it can happen. I think at some point, my ears and brain stopped listening and corresponding after he dropped this bombshell. It gets me. Now, less than a year after my mom died, here was my dad taking a woman out for Valentines Day? Once they were in the ambulance, they were able to get my dad on machines and his organs pumping again, but they would never pump on their own again. He just told me that he wants me to call her or come by to wish her a Happy Mothers day, he says she wants to be a mother to me. Where is her income? But thats the issue here for me, recognition that we still need time and space, and respect and sensitivity to having her in our lives so soon after loosing our Mother. He said she is dreading meeting us on the assumption that we WANT to meet her! He knew that I wasnt happy, but had no idea that it bothered me so much. I know from experience that it can get very, very, very frustrating. I would not allow myself to start crying even one more time. Her name is not on the account, but mine is! Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. My dad starts seeing a woman from his work THE NEXT friggin day, I hear them have sex the first week after mom dies, this has been very traumatizing to me and my grieving. Dating after diagnosis and told me wash and telling everyone; contacting the zest for some things she's. I keep trying for my dads sake, but it hurts. Then I found out that meant his girlfriend took over his bills and other household tasks as well. We bonded like we hadnt ever. I feel like it will NEVER get better. So his death was extremely sudden and we were just left in shock. Awesome. Shortly after the funeral, the song came on the radio on my way to work, and I absolutely lost it. I think two equally lonely pp found each other and are love drunk I wish I could say someone was sane, but in the end, I just hope my dad isnt being played. Dad went thru surgery and treatment and is now cancer free. sibling from my deceased parents' home That's what people do when they start their own families. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! What will I do? she said. I am heart broken, and I want nothing to do with my father. I believe that boundaries have to be in place and are there to be respected from both sides. I had to finally be blunt with him, I told him he know I did not care for this women Marsha before he started dating her and just cause he is dating her all that she has done to me over the years is null and void. Every time he has mentioned these other women he is talking to, I just feel like dying inside. Now shes struggling financially & its my fault. He is pretty much alone now anyway. I empathize with some of you that are hurting first because of the loss of your loved one and also because of your mother or father started a relationship with someone else. I want to also invite you to take some time for yourself. He is planning on having some woman, who he has only met less than 2 months ago on a chat messenger program, stay in the house and attend our Thanksgiving family function (the first one since my Mom passed away, which is almost too hard to bear right now). Brother will also owe the estate or trust, the PRs reasonable attorneys fees. The way her throat was moving up and down struggling for air. I also strongly believe in letting a respectable period of time pass before beginning new liaisons, because these events affect everybody in the family, not just the parent this needs to be understood by parent and child. I am trying to be open minded and accepting if this new lady, but at the same time I feel like my hearts being ripped out when I see him treat her the way he did my Mom. Her death, while so very difficult to deal with of course, was not a surprise for any of us. Loss impact every person in a different way and we all need to process that loss. Her children came with the package he is trying to have a relationship with her & she is bringing her kids along. Knowing that this person would throw you to the wolves if it would please her makes it hard to have a cheery disposition. You also say that there is no definitive objective timescale for someone moving on with someone new. Its lime he has not only moved on, but he no longer wants anything to do with anything that had to do with his marriage to my mom, including us kids. Its like I lost my family. he would be happy to be rid of the old family and embrace his new family but we, the old family, will not let that happen. Whitney gave me back a piece of him that would have otherwise faded. She was an active, vibrant 72 year old woman who had lots of plans for the future. No doubt this will bring people to say I cant see things from the other side. I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it. I cannot stress this one enough because I would have never survived anything I've gone through in my life without the friends and family who were by my side through it all. My father-in-law never put in the kind of enthusiasm and energy into the original shop that he has with the second one. Im so pleased I found this site as I thought I was alone in what Im feeling! It is very sad, but after 2 and half years I havent been able to talk to them more than 2 times, they were reluctant to meet me.I believe that I am a good, caring person who loves their father and only want the best for them, if they only will give me a chance. Seeing comments like I will never accept this just makes me laugh. When all of this was happening, I went numb. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose.

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