The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). The Question: Name three famous puppets. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? eyes? A: Sex. share. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? Q: What do you see if you hold your hernia up to a mirror? The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. "I've seen sex, and I think it's OK." -- Talking Heads, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message, I'm sure you have all heard Johnny Carson do his Carnac routine. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. Carson . The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. A: Plumber's helper. A: Ninety-nine and nine-tenths. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. A: All the President's men. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? A: Eleven. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? , The Question: What is the oath of office for all politicians? A: Pat and Debby Boone. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). Kitchy-Kitchy? ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? us? A: The Loch Ness Monster. (In one episode, technicians rigged Carsons desk to fall apart when Carnac fell into it. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. A: Never on Sunday. . Organized in groups of 10. Margaret's door? A: Keep your eyes on your prize. QUESTION: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. A: Crabgrass. A: "Small craft warning!" A: A thousand clowns. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. Q: What is a drink made with soy sauce and prune juice? girlfriend. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. The Question: Where did Jen Psaki go when she resigned as Obidens Press Secretary? Q: What do you say when calling your quat? Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? tissue. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. ANSWER: Gatorade. pants. [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Carpenter During Sweeps 1984. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC A: Ultra-conservative. . Prime Video. station? The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: 50 miles per hour. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. Question: "What does a doctor use to look at your kaleido?" Stumble It! Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? alley? |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. A: Bi-focal. The answer: "Sis boom bah." Box 4, Folder 46. Q: Name two movies and a suppository. A: Jaws 2 and Capricorn One. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/controllers/Main.php May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. Line: 208 A: "Coming home." Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. A: Baja. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. A: Natural gas. A: 2001. . A: At both ends. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. A: A mule, a horse, Billy Carter. A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. Similar Items. Our Story; Our Chefs A: Kumquat. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. Box 4, Folder 48. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. A: You asked for it. "You Light Up My Life.". Q: Describe two people who like to cheat. A: Roots. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Q: Name a Kirk, a Turk and a jerk. Q: Name a chimp, a champ and a chump. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? car? Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. A: Gatorade. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. "Carnac" examples: "Billy Graham, Virginia Graham, and Lester Maddox" . Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. A: The CIA. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? A: Superbowl. A: Supervisor. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. . . A: "Sorry bub, no pub." Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Return to Political Humor "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. A: Putting on the dog. Line: 478 The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? these envelopes, CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. A: "The Front." . stops. work? Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. A: Pussy Willow. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? grandfather. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? 1981 | TV-14 | CC. The Answer: NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN, PBS, FOX News and a Crowbar. CARNAC: May a weird customs inspector discover a secret BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. A: "Yes man." Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? seats. Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Share. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. the audience will cheer. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. 2004 upper deck baseball cards. A: Green thumb. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". . Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Q: What do you say when it's Rose's turn at the bowling Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. A: Groundhog. seen them before. [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof. A: Executive action. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? A: Old wives tale. Shriver. We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Q: What's the name of a drink made with beer and prune Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke!

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